insecure attachment and adult romantic relationships

Trust is an essential element in emotional relationships and is closely linked to mutual expectations and attachment experiences

Romantic relationships represent one of the most complex and significant social bonds. Repeated interactions with our attachment figures during childhood seem to play a very important role in the choice and perceived reliability of a romantic partner.

what is attachment?

The term attachment was first proposed by John Bowlby, who stated that

''human beings manifest an innate predisposition to develop attachment relationships with primary parental figures''.

Bowlby describes attachment as a 'system' with two opposing polarities: on the one hand the need for closeness with primary attachment figures, on the other hand, the need to explore the surrounding environment.

The main function of attachment is to guarantee the highest level of security within specific relational and existential situations by satisfying both polarities, protecting from danger and favouring exploration.

The primary attachment figure (usually a parental figure) assumes the role of a safe base to return to after exploring if the situation becomes dangerous or distressing.

For one to speak of attachment, three basic conditions must be present.

1. secure base effect: this refers to the atmosphere of trust created by the attachment figure, linked to behavioural expectations.

2. proximity-seeking behaviour: children's search for physical contact (such as being held, seen, heard or touched by the mother) to maintain proximity and foster contact with the attachment figure.

3. Separation pro,tests: to attract the attention and closeness of the attachment figure (crying, screaming, blaming, accusing or endangering) when closeness is impaired.

Bowlby suggests that

interactions with primary attachment figures during childhood shape the way individuals perceive themselves, others and relationships.

Repeated early interactions with primary attachment figures generate what Bowlby calls Internal Working Models (IWM), i.e., internal representations of self, attachment figures, relationships, and the world.

IWM are formed during early attachment experiences and persist in a relatively stable manner as we grow older. In fact, IWM influence the relationship between the individual and the environment even in adulthood, determining the type of perception of reality and the type of relational expectations.

The concept of internal working models could explain how our life experiences influence our future behaviour, including relationship behaviour.

Three main attachment styles :

• secure or Type B:

the primary attachment figure is perceived as a secure base, from which one can fearlessly move away to explore the environment and to which one can return when the world is too dangerous. This is the result of a responsive and helpful primary attachment figure, which makes the child experience a sense of security and trust.

• Insecure avoidant or Type A (also called distancing):

in moments of danger there is a deactivation of the attachment system and hyperactivation of exploration behaviour in the child, as a result of a primary attachment figure refusing the child's requests for help.

• Ambivalent insecure or Type C (also called resistant):

the child manifests ambivalent experiences towards both the primary attachment figure and exploration. Resulting from an inconsistent and unpredictable primary attachment figure, who oscillates between the refusing-invading extremes with respect to the child's needs. There is a hyper-activation of the child's attachment system in order to constantly watch over the presence of the attachment figure that is not trusted and certain.

Bowlby believes that the formation of a romantic relationship is not random, but that

the choice of partner is particularly influenced by our attachment experiences with primary attachment figures.

We are therefore more inclined to choose a partner who can confirm the relational representations that have accompanied us since early childhood.

When the attachment system in an adult relationship is activated by real or imagined stressful events, individuals with a type C attachment tend to use hyper-activating strategies to seek closeness and get attention from their partners, while individuals with a distancing attachment typically engage in de-activating strategies that inhibit their partners' support-seeking.

Trust, besides being a fundamental component of the attachment system, is one of the most important characteristics of a healthy and stable romantic relationship.

In a romantic relationship, trust relates to perceptions of one's partners' trustworthiness and beliefs about the future of the relationship:

• higher levels of trust between partners indicate certainty that one partner will behave in a pro-relational manner in the future;

• medium levels of trust reflect greater uncertainty about their partner's future behaviour;

• lower levels of trust indicate certainty that a partner will not behave in a pro-relational manner in the future.

The development of attachment orientations on the insecure (ambivalent or avoidant) side, resulting from interactions with primary caregivers, makes individuals insecure about their partners' willingness and acceptance, undermining perceptions of couple trust.

The literature to date supports that higher levels of insecure attachment (ambivalent and avoidant) are associated with lower levels of perceived couple trust.

Individuals who report higher levels of insecure attachment (anxious and avoidant) than secure attachment also show greater accessibility to negative memories related to trust, fewer positive episodes of trust, and a lower ability to effectively handle situations in which mutual trust is violated.