When a person suffers from emotional adiction, they tend to deny the presence of the problem and justify their destructive behaviour behind the feeling they say or believe they feel.
This tendency to downplay or deny the problem altogether is typical of any form of addiction and that is precisely why it is so difficult to get out of it. Until the individual becomes aware of what is going on in his or her life, he or she will not seek the help needed to finally put an end to his or her deleterious behaviour.
What is emotional addiction
Affective addiction was first defined in the 1970s and recognised as an autonomous disorder. Like all addictions, however, it involves an attempt to control emotions. It serves to increase the feeling of well-being of the person experiencing it, while at the same time trying to relieve boredom and pain.
In emotional addiction, there are mainly two experiences that cause satisfaction.
There are those who feel a strong sense of attachment to their partner and always fear being abandoned. One sees the other as something indispensable, without which one cannot live. So much so that they forbid the other their own freedom.
In truth, there is another form of emotional dependency, which is even more difficult to recognise because the 'object of salvation' is not a physical person but rather one's own romantic fantasy.
Those who are afraid of loneliness and rejection tend to take refuge within their own inner world so as not to have to face reality.
How to recognise emotional addiction: symptoms
Recognising the symptoms of this problem is not easy. In itself, a relationship always includes a certain amount of dependency, especially during the period of falling in love, when everything is beautiful and the desire to share every moment is strong.
There comes a time, however, when things must necessarily change and balance. We analyse the dynamics of a healthy relationship and it immediately jumps out at us that the two partners do not forbid each other to do things separately, they trust each other and allow each other their own space without problems and resentments.
When emotional dependency intrudes into the relationship, the person directs all their energies towards their partner and is totally dependent on them. The most common symptoms are:
The need to always be reassured
Difficulty in setting one's own goals without involving the other
Demands to spend more and more time with the partner, gradually cancelling the activities they initially carried out independently
Excessively increasing demands on the other person, to the point of forbidding them their freedoms
The tendency to control is also determined by jealousy and possessiveness
Cancellation of one's own person in order to satisfy the other's needs
Tendency to take responsibility for one's partner even when there is no reason to do so
When the partner is not there one experiences negative feelings such as anxiety, depression, panic
Tendency to seek out similar partners or partners who themselves suffer from addictions or control disorder.
Alternating moments of lucidity, where the person feels ashamed of his or her behaviour, and others when he or she is not lucid.
Although there is a tendency to believe that this disorder is only present in love relationships, the truth is that it can also manifest itself between one parent and child, in friendships or in professional relationships.
What are the causes, why does co-dependency occur?
Those who develop an emotional addiction towards another person should consder looking at their childhood. It is likely that the environment around them had failed to develop the appropriate psychic structure, even in the absence of trauma.
In most cases, caretakers raised their child in an overprotective way, preventing the child from pursuing their choices and spontaneity . In other words, they have not given them the opportunity to become autonomous persons.
On the contrary, it is also true that emotional dependency in adults can develop when parents impose no limits on their child.
How to heal from emotional addiction
The aim of psychotherapy is to help the person's tendency to experience rthe elationship with another person as something indispensable for their existence. We might say that the ultimate goal of psychotherapy is to help the person feel stronger within.
In psychoanalytic therapy, the patient goes back over his current and past relationships, precisely to search for those events that triggered this feeling of inadequacy in him.
Afterwards, it is necessary to change the type of bond through the reworking of the negative experience, which also includes the patient being able to express his needs without fear.
However, all this is of no use if the person does not become aware of what is going on in his or her life and the mental patterns he or she puts in place.
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